College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Randomize
