Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
