I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
