The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
