hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
