I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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