how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
