My room smells like vodka and shame
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
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