The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Randomize
