he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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