Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
