Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
