um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
So much rum. So many feels.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
