508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
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