I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
