your thong is hanging out like whoa
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
