I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
