AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
