You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
