I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
