So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
