Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Randomize
