I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Randomize
