He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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