and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
This baby is an asshole
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Randomize
