C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
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