Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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