She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
