Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
