I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
