i jhust puked up my retainher.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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