Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
