I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Randomize
