and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
