dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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