Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Randomize
