There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
