i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Randomize
