Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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