i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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