Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
