$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
