farters have to be the big spoon...
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
