yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
