i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Come share oat with me in your robe
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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