I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
