he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
