I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
the condom got lost in my hair
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
