It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
