She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
you didnt know i had herpes?
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
