Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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