Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
